This is going to sound a lot like “old man yells at clouds” type stuff, but it's a simple fact that kids today just can’t understand how things used to be. I’m not saying that to make it sound like they’re spoiled, only that I’m jealous they have it so much easier than me.
On the flipside, being old enough to know what a floppy disk is or what a dial-up modem sounds like is kind of like being in an exclusive club. While we don’t have a super-cool handshake or anything, we can bond over the best comedy in existence: Seinfeld.
As amazing as the show is, and always will be, not every episode is exactly timeless. Call me a gatekeeper if you want, but these 10 Seinfeld episodes are way funnier — and all the more difficult for kids today to grasp — because of that fact.
The Stakeout — Season 1: Episode 2
Jerry, as he does, meets a very attractive woman while at a party with Elaine. The only problem is he doesn’t get her phone number, and only knows where she works. He can’t ask Elaine for her number because that would be super awkward. What could he possibly do?
The solution now would be to, you know, just look up her company online or just find her through Elaine's social media since they’re friends. Back then, though, he and George need to concoct a plot to stake out her business and just hope to run into her.
The Parking Garage — Season 3: Episode 6
Is going to the mall still a thing in general? I assume yeah, but who the heck knows. What doesn’t happen is forgetting where you parked and having no solution but to split up and look for the car … while carrying a freaking air conditioning unit.
Today, there’s probably some newfangled app to find your car, or at least you could use your phone to just type down a note of where you parked or even call the other group once you found it after splitting up. Hell, I bet kids today just Uber everywhere and don’t even know how to park.
The Movie — Season 4: Episode 14
Again, movie theaters as a concept is kind of dying already, but it’s not dead yet, damn it!
I don’t need to beat a dead horse about how having phones would solve 90% of this episode about the four characters going to different theaters back and forth, missing each other, buying tickets, losing seats, and all that.
Now, no one goes to the movies without already — 1. Buying tickets in advance, but also 2. Reserving their seats. I don’t know any theaters anymore that still make finding your seat a free-for-all when you arrive.
The Phone Message — Season 2: Episode 4
Fine, a lot of these have to do with cellphones, but in different ways so shut up! In this case, George leaves an angry message on his girlfriend’s answering machine and plots with Jerry to sneakily swap the tapes before she has a chance to hear it and break up with him.
I can’t think of any part of this episode a kid would understand. A dedicated voicemail machine at home? Tapes? Hell, even leaving a message at all instead of texting is rare.
The Chinese Restaurant — Season 1: Episode 11
One of the all-time great episodes, but yet again one that has no relatability to those spoiled kids today. First, there’s the plot of just waiting to get a table, but also George struggling to get access to a payphone (more phones!).
There’s so much kids won’t get here. First, going out without a reservation? OK, even for the time that’s a mistake, but second is the idea of going out to eat at all. Dinner and a movie today is ordering shi*** takeout to be delivered from an app and letting Netflix decide what movie you want to see that you won’t like anyway.
The Pool Guy — Season 7: Episode 8
Moviefone was kind of genius. It was like a website, but you had to call it on the phone to learn what movies were playing and when. In this episode, Kramer gets a new phone number that people accidentally call trying to get Moviefone and decides to just play along and deliver the info, even putting on the robo-voice.
In a world where every piece of media is available on demand on anything with a screen, what kid would even grasp the concept of having to call a number to find out when and where you had a chance to see a movie?
The Outing — Season 4: Episode 17
I imagine telling kids that you had to pay extra to be able to receive a second call on your home phone would be equivalent to telling them that you couldn’t be on the phone and use the computer at the same time. Smoke would just shoot right out of their ears.
What’s even more confusing is the idea that a two-line phone might not work and the other person could hear everything you say. Maybe confusing isn’t the right word, but horrifying.
The Alternate Side — Season 3: Episode 11
Maybe this episode’s relevance is actually coming back around since all these newfangled cars today let you pair your cellphone up and talk through the speakers. Back in the day, though, car phones were crazy obscure.
Seriously, what is the point in building a phone into a car that can’t be taken out? It’s like the world’s least convenient cellphone.
The Cigar Store — Season 5: Episode 11
The subplots related to George’s parents are always top-tier. This time, Elaine takes one of Frank’s TV guides without telling him so she can read it on the subway — and leaves it there. Little does she know, Frank is an avid collector of TV guides.
Wait, “what the hell is a TV guide?” I hear you asking. Get this. Back in the day, if you wanted to know what would be on TV, you had to look it up in a damn book. Yeah, imagine living in that hell for five seconds.
The Comeback — Season 8: Episode 13
It’s easy to overlook this Elaine plot when the episode features the iconic “jerk store” joke, but it’s another that would just fly right over kids' heads.
Not only is the idea of a video rental store dead and buried, but would they even get the concept of staff picks? I guess you could say it was like the “recommended” section on your streaming service, except it was a real human picking them.